Your Questions About Polish Dating In Us

Donald asks…

What can I do about a depressed mother?

So it’s been about a year since my dad passed, and since then my mom has dated one guy. I know this guy has strong feeling for her, but he was commitment phobia, so he broke up with her around 5 months ago, but this is not about him.
My mom loves this guy.She has to see him 3 times a week because he is my brother’s karate sensei, and taking him out of that particular dojo is just immature. She cries over him every day. At least twice. She always cries about it to me. It doesn’t matter if I am doing homework, or talking with a friend, she’ll just ask me to talk with her. It annoys me so much.
Lately she’s been talking about how much her life sucks and how she has gone through too much. Heck, we were in traffic and she started screaming at the guy in front of us, and ended in a little whisper of “My life sucks.” She also has started telling me about our money issues. She did say once that it was unfair to me, and all I should worry about is friends and nail polish, but she didn’t stop.
She always relies on me for advice and help, despite the fact that I have never dated in my life. She calls me the “relationship guru.” The sad part is, is that most of the stuff I say is just edited from my real thoughts.
I think she needs help. I want to suggest therapy or anti-depressant pills, but I am scared that she won’t approve and break down crying about how her kids don’t trst her or something. I was wondering, does this problem require help, and how do I tell her?

Thanks for reading.

datepolish answers:

Your mother has developed depression as a lifestyle. In a way, her misery has given her purpose and direction. When this happens, people become invested in being negative and miserable. They become somewhat comfortable with being miserable because it allows them to argue, say ugly things to people, and gain attention. They feel permitted to be mean. It’s actually hard for them to imagine how their life would be different if they weren’t depressed.

She may subsconsciously feel that being depressed keeps people around her — keeps them paying attention to her. While being miserable is a bad strategy to keep friends and family, she may not realize that yet.
She doesn’t talk about her misery to compare her life with yours. She doesn’t care if you’ve been depressed, are depressed, or have suggestions. She talks about it to keep you there and talking. It’s the difference between quantity and quality. She’s very lonely and wants more time (quantity) rather than more “deep” discussion about her depression (quality). She’s learned that you stay longer and try to help if she’s miserable.
Protect yourself from her misery:
schedule times to call and visit,
ignore her personal comments about you,
interject healthy comments and conversation — trying to talk more about normal things than her misery,
prepare yourself with a ritual before visiting and upon your return — like a hot bath upon your return to soak the misery out of your system,
bring her books, plants, etc. To side-track her focus on the negative, and
maintain a steady focus on things she can do to help herself should she chose to do so.
Set a predictible call and visitation schedule — then stick to it. Some calls/visits will be nasty, some neutral, some comfortable. Some folks keep a log with notes and rate the calls/visits on a scale of one to ten — one being a guilt attack and ten being a laughing discussion about the old days.
To help your mother, you must avoid being sucked into the black hole of her misery. If you maintain a steady, upbeat, healthy approach to each call and visit, her mood is likely to rise to meet your approach. Trading stories about misery only keeps you both depressed.
At this time, there’s no magic words to fix her. If you talk longer on happy topics and shorter on misery topics, she’ll begin talking more about happy times as her basic goal may be the alleviation of her loneliness.

I feel soory for her……………hope i helped alot

Nancy asks…

should i take legal action against this person? im scared for my life?

ok well, i know this is going to be a little bit weird, but the last few monthes have been really hard on me. almost losing my carreer, my brother almost going to jail for a long ass time, and many other things. i was just told this evening that a girl on my myspace is spreading false lies ( i know its just myspace but she continues to say these things) and theyre not just oh i hate you and stuff. theyre really disturbing sick things. i honestly almost got sick when i read this. i think i may know why this girl says these things. a few monthes back, i talked to this boy, because i do respond to everyone. who talks to me. i use myspace as a form of premoting what i do and my job. and i received a request from a girl he says he used to date. i blocked her because i knew why she wanted to add me. to snoop on me and see what we were saying to eachother. and then about a few days ago, this boy was starting stuff so i blocked him. i find it kind of ironic. i think he may have prevoked it somehow. i have a copy of the bulletin. i printed it out. im not scared to say what was said, i know none of its not true, so heres what was said to me about us.

“you should read this youll love it”

id like to discuss two people in particular. kasia a local model in my state, and her older brother . i heard that these two people engaged in incest sex and that polish people insist on engaging in acts of incest. he bent his sister over at a photoshoot and proceeded to fuck her. these two people are sick individuals. do not talk to them. i am by no means jealous. i just cant stand either one of these people. why are they even locally famous? kasia is a slut, a whore, and a jewlery shop skank, she does many things like jewlery, accessories, part time modeling, and sleeping with her brother. do not talk to these people. i found out earlier on today i know someone who personally knows her and they will be paying them a visit

should i do something about this before something big happens? or just do as my big brother says and just leave it alone? should i take this to court? what could she be charged with? im really scared for my life right now. she lives not to far from me so im pretty scared right now. ive even seen her around in the next town over. should i do something?

has anything like this ever happened to you? it really hurts me that someone would say things about my brother. hes done so much for people in his life and he should be appreciated. me and my brother are close but we would never do something like this. this absoulutely sickens me. it almost breaks my heart. hes so nice to people, but they crap on his feelings. it just hurts. yes i did block her.and her boyfriend. i mean my brother took custody of me when i was about 14 and hes helped me so much in my carreer. hes all i have for family. and now people are saying horrible things about him. i even heard there may be a website talking about us? lol? i wont believe it i mean you have to pay someone to make a website. and if there was, it would probably be tooken down. should i just brush it off though? what could she be charged with if i did seek legal action?
maybe youre right

datepolish answers:

Couple things you could do:
1. Ignore it. If that was a direct quote from the myspace thing, she sounds like an ignorant twit and is likely she’ll mostly be ignored by anyone with half a brain.

2. Go to the police and ask for an informational report be take so you can document this–I can’t quite see any real crime here. There are no direct threats, just a lot of insults. But in case she escalates things–if your car gets vandalised, if you start getting threatening phone calls, etc., it helps in prosecuting her if you document as much of her nonsense as you can. So an informational report is not something the cops will act on–they won’t go talk to her, but at least they will have some of this on record already if things get worse.
2b. You said she lives nearby–has she been making crank calls? Driving by your house or by your work? Or doing such to your brother? If so, you can possibly pursue charges of harrassment, but that’s iffy based on what you said above.

3. If her myspace commentary is having a demonstratable effect on your business (if you can factually show that her comments are losing you customers, for example), then you can possibly initiate a civil suit against her for defamation of character or slander.

4. Honestly, I don’t know jack about myspace, but can’t you contact them and report this and ask them to remove her comments?

Daniel asks…

Just need some advice.?

I guess it’s kind of silly I would turn to Yahoo Answers to vent on since I doubt I’ll get anything useful. I’m sure everyone feels down and things like that but I seem to catch myself thinking terrible thoughts about myself. I have low self-esteem I suppose but at the same time I have lower-than low self-esteem.

A few examples of what I mean are things like, when I hang out with friends I have a distinct feeling that they don’t want me around or they find me annoying, even though I don’t really say much. Other things are things like having a constant feeling of ugliness, like to the point where I doubt that anyone would be attracted to me. I’ve been alone for about 6 years, which is part of the reason I feel so down sometimes. Particularly during times when I’m hanging out with friends who are coupled up with their lovers and I’m sat alone on a chair watching with a fake smile on my face.The worst part is I feel like my inability to get into a relationship is particularly my fault. Just due to the fact that I believe I’m the bottom of the bottom and everyone could do better than me. Though at the same time, I’ve never seen anyone make a distinct effort to get with me. I was cheated on 6 years ago in my last relationship, that was pretty pride crushing. I’ve tried to get over it, at first I blocked out the girl completely, then we made amends later down the road. I’m sure I have trust issues since I’m afraid of getting hurt again, but at the same time I also have the problem of worrying too much about what my parents would think. I live in a strict household, though I live away from home and do basically what I want I’ve forever had implanted into my head that it does matter, even when my mother has told me she wouldn’t care who I dated as long as I was happy. I’ve also had the constant feeling of not belonging, I wasn’t born in the US and don’t have citizenship. I don’t have an accent and if I didn’t break out in Polish nobody would even know I was foreign. Everything I’m good at I tend to brush off as being okay or not as good as someone else’s even though I know no one can be the best at something. In social situations I’m extremely quiet worried I might come off as annoying or be judged greatly by my actions. One on one I’m really funny and I’m sure people like me, I just have this constant feeling like I’m worthless and everyone else couldn’t give two shits about me. I suppose I’m rambling so I should probably just get to my question,

Is there something I could do to make myself more confident, and get rid of my self-esteem problems.

datepolish answers:

Write down 30 good qualities about yourself then go to the mirror and read them. It will give you a boost.

Mark asks…

what has happened from 1994 to 2010?

i am doing research for class and i cant find any good any info on google
i am looking for minor us events and large world events thanks
you get the idea

i know some that pop into my head like:__ 911 gulf war iraq war pluto is not a planet hurricane Katrina and obama the health care and Haiti and Chile earthquakes sadam is dead now and Brittany spears went nuts and anna nicole smith died a plane carrying 30 important polish people crashed iphone/ ipad revolutionize the world and Virginia tech shooting north korea tested WMD’s iraq gets voting rights then the religious leader or iran cuts off all media to iraq and hundreds are killed in a civil revolt when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad takes power dick Cheyenne shot a guy in the face MJ’s dead hollywoods writhers strike for a bit jay lenno forced conan o’brien out of prime-time for 7 months the underwear bomber tried to blow up the simpsons is the longs running tv show ever to date

datepolish answers:

Try these websites:

http://history1900s.about.com/od/famouscrimesscandals/u/events.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/20th_century

http://www.historycentral.com/dates/main20thcent.html

Chris asks…

My first boyfriend… What should I do?

It’s not really a matter on how to act around him because, though I’m nervous, I can just be myself.
I’m in the 7th grade, 12 (everyone is older than me because my birthday is in August) and he’s 13.
After my friend’s told him that I liked him on Thursday, he asked me out on Friday. So I’m assuming he liked me back? Yeah I’ve been itching to ask him, though I’m grateful, why he asked me out; was it because he liked me?
Oh, I’m pretty sure he did because we flirted a lot before I told him that I liked him.
So anyways, that Friday that he asked me out was the last day before Christmas break and he went out of town so we couldn’t hang out.
Yeah, so I’m 99.99% sure that (if she knew) my mom wouldn’t let go on a “date” with him. And at this age, I mean what would we do? Get a ride from his dad, borrow money (though I’m actually not broke right now), and whatever. No.
But we can hang out at, like, a group activity (the mall or movies with friends)….

Sexual activity is NOT at my mind at all, by the way. I’m just wondering… what are my limits like what not to do, what to do? We have each other’s number so we’ve been talking over the break but…

I’m not sure. He asked me if I wanted something for christmas and I said not to worry about it, when I asked him he said ‘I don’t really know’. So that helps very little. I have NO idea what to get him, what do you guys think? He likes football, dinosaurs, I don’t know. I liked him and we were friends but not BEST friends I liked him for his personality so I don’t know details about him. Just the things that liked in him. He’s cute, really smart, and really sweet(: But I know two specific details (the things we have in common: cute dinosaurs and California! So what are some general gifts I can get him? Something small… Money isn’t an issue but he just got me a card saying ‘All I want for Christmas is you’ and I don’t wanna seem weird (?) by giving him some humungo gift.

AND MY BIGGEST QUESTION, SHOULD I TELL MY MOM???

Her and I are really close and I can live without telling her about him and me but I kind of feel guilty and when something really good for me happens between us, I want to be able to gush about it with her. <3

But I’m not sure of how she will respond? She’s not that strict, the strictest I think she’s been with my “social” life I guess, is like she ALWAYS needs to talk to the parent, I can’t wear dark color fingernail polish, and no makeup, she said MAYBE next year mascara :P

The only “boy talk” we’ve ever had was when I was in 5th grade I told her and my aunt that I liked a boy named Jonothan and in 6th grade when I told her about some boy asking me to the upcoming dance. She just said (because I caught her off-guard) kind of weirdly a mix between surprise and annoyance (?), ‘Well, you’re too young for an escort…’

I don’t know if I should tell her, maybe maybe not? Please help…

Thanks in advance.

datepolish answers:

Theme Park
Maybe get him a football jersey from his favorite team (If you don’t know text him)
It’s up to you to tell your mom
In 8th grade
When my ex told her mom what she said is this “Mom is it alright with you if i have a boyfriend?”.
What her mom told was pretty much “The Talk” and then her mom just wanted to meet me.
Usually it’s best that your boyfriend meet your parents. When i meet my Ex’s parents i was alright with it, actually i was excited to meet them.
PS me and her dad really liked to play paintball.

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